slip, slap, splosh

Today’s bloggage is going to be like Zacchaeus – quite short.


click on the image to link to the BBC website for the video

Occasionally this week I have been watching the Commonwealth Games. Two thoughts occurred to me as I was watching a poor Australian springboard diver who slipped on the board as he was in mid-spring and ended up landing on his back.

As I resisted the urge to chuckle I thought, “Ouch!”

Then I thought: “Poor man, he has trained for years for this and one small slip makes him look silly and ruins his chances.”

We all make mistakes, we all perform below our own expectations, never mind the expectations of others or God. The good news is that most of the time our mistakes are not as public or displayed on the internet. The great news is that when we ask God for a fresh start he wipes the record clean: we don’t even have to get a court order to have search engines remove the links…

Be blessed, be a blessing.


>To keep things fresh, this entry starts with lots of jokes rather than ending with one:

Q: Where do you find elephants?
A: It depends on where you lost them.

Q: Why do elephants wear blue tennis shoes?
A: Because the white ones get dirty too fast.

Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the blue tennis shoes.

Q: Why do elephants float on their backs?
A: So they don’t get their tennis shoes wet.

Q: How many elephants can you fit in a taxi?
A: Four. (One next to the driver and 3 in back)

Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a taxi?
A: None, it’s full of elephants.

Q: What sport do elephants play in a taxi?
A: Squash.

Q: How do you know when an elephant is visiting your house?
A: There’s a taxi outside with three elephants in it.

Q: How do you put an elephant into the refrigerator?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.

Q: How do you put a giraffe into refrigerator?
A: Open door, get elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Q: How can you tell when there’s been an elephant in your refrigerator?
A: Footprints in the butter.

Q: How can you tell when there is an elephant in your refrigerator?
A: Blue tennis shoes are left outside.

Q: How can you tell when there are two elephants in you refrigerator?
A: It’s rather hard to close the door.

Q: How can you tell when there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
A: There’s a taxi waiting outside.

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free?
A: Your fridge is not large enough to hold them all.

I have anonymised the following true story to protect the identity of the main protagonist. A while ago a member of staff was leaving a Christian organisation (let’s call it the Baptist Onion of Little Britain for the sake of argument) to go on Maternity Leave. The tradition was that when a member of staff left the rest would gather together to give gifts, say goodbye and to offer a prayer. On this occasion the person who was leading the prayer (we’ll call him David Toffee) made a freudian slip.

The lady in question was very pregnant and in his prayer David Toffee meant to thank God for her ‘elegance’. However, what he actually thanked God for was her ‘elephants’!

Is it blasphemous to snigger in a prayer?

So why all the pachyderm references? Well, elephants are notorious for having a very long memory (so they can remember where they left their blue tennis shoes?). I find that my memory for names is poor, no matter how hard I try. It’s almost as bad as remembering where I left things.

God must have the best memory of all. Everything that has happened in time is known to him. When the Bible talks about him not remembering my sin any more when I have asked for forgiveness it is not because he forgets, it is because he actively chooses not to remember. It is as if it never existed as far as he is concerned. He no longer counts those things against me.

That’s what Jesus’ death can do for me. That’s always worth remembering.