he who laughs last… didn’t get the joke

Is it wrong to feel happy when someone struggles to pronounce ‘Schadenfreude’*?

I have recently been the cause of a lot of joy for other people. Rotten rail journeys that went wrong have caused a certain amount of glee for people who have experienced them vicariously through my Facebook statuses. I think that counts as schadenfreude.

I think I have also experienced it through the well-meaning comments of friends. I can now confess that for most of last week I was suffering from kidney stones that had shifted into a painful place. People, I think trying to sympathise, frequently told me that this is as / more painful that childbirth (men usually saying ‘more’) or that it is the worst pain known to humans. To be honest, that did not make me feel much better! I was fairly confident that I knew how painful it was. But I am incredibly grateful for the expressions of support, concern and prayers. It means a lot to know that you are not alone.

I am pleased to say that the pain has now subsided to ‘uncomfortable’ and pray that it will disappear altogether soon. Thank you for your prayers, concern, sympathy and other nice thoughts.

I have wondered whether there are times when my well-meaning comments of encouragement come across as patronising or ill-considered. I try not to say, “I know how you feel” unless I really do know how someone feels. I try to be empathetic when listening to someone. I try too not to make fun of someone’s woes unless they first joke about them. But I don’t always get it right. I worry that I may not say the right thing, so the temptation is to say nothing. I worry about not doing the right thing, so I do nothing. My experience tells me that it is difficult to say the wrong thing so badly that I will cause irreparable damage if I am trying to be caring and pastorally sensitive. Saying something is often better than saying nothing. Doing something is usually better than doing nothing. I have found that people would prefer that we tried, no matter how clumsily, than feel abandoned.

However, I am relieved to know that God really does know how I feel. I am delighted that Jesus’ incarnation means he has experienced life in all its fullness and all it’s woes. I am blessed with knowing that God’s Spirit within me is interpreting all of my deepest groans and needs into prayers in the throne room of the Universe.

*Shadenfreude is the German word for enjoying the pain / discomfort of others.


Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.

As the preacher stood next to the bed, Fred’s condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. 

The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred died. He said, “You know, Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven’t looked at it, but knowing Fred, I’m sure there’s a word of inspiration there for us all.” 

He opened the note, and read, “You’re standing on my oxygen tube!”