you what?

I went to the local DIY store yesterday. I was looking around, just browsing and minding my own business when a chap in an apron came up to me and asked if I wanted decking… luckily I got the first punch in.

I have just got back from the Doctor’s and he tells me I need to lose some weight. I asked him what I should do and he said that everyday I should do something that leaves me breathless. I am going to take up smoking.

There is always scope for misunderstanding in life. If you write to someone at church and ask them to take the lead you may find that your church roof has been stripped rather than you successfully having delegated a task. The problem comes when we make assumptions about what the other person meant and don’t check it out with them. We assume that what we think they meant is what they actually meant and we take offence when none was intended.

For an organisation that is supposed to be in the business of communicating we are not very good at it between ourselves. I operate a lot by using email (what on earth did Ministers do before email? Oh yes, we wrote letters and spoke to people.), but I have to try to be wise and make a phone call or a visit when an email could be misunderstood or seem cold and rude. There are times when I hear that someone is upset by something I have said or done but they have not come to me to sort it out. It could be that I am unapproachable, in which case… sorry, but so many things that become big issues could be resolved with a simple phone call or conversation at an early stage. If there is ever anything I have said or done with which you are unhappy, please speak with me about it.

Of course sometimes people do take offence and sometimes they let us know about it. One of the things that I learnt early on in my ministry is that when someone is critical of me I will try to meet with them to hear things from them, offer my perspective (and often apology) and seek to discern what is at the root of the problem and whether it can be resolved. Those conversations are not always easy at first, but it is so much better than exchanging letters, emails, phone calls and definitely better than ‘hurrumphs’.

On one occasion I received a very critical (and personal) letter from someone, who copied it to someone else. That person received their copy before I did and advised me to sit down, take a deep breath and read the letter calmly. They also advised me not to respond to it immediately, but to spend time considering whether there is truth in anything that was said and to offer a considered response.

I am glad I took that advice as it enabled the person who had written to me to receive a gracious (I hope) response that took on board some of the substance of what was said and also gave me a chance to explain what I thought and correct misunderstandings.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

“If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” (Matthew 5:39)