out of tune squeaks

Thank you to those friends who expressed concern about the man-flu outbreak. It is now under control and I don’t think will spread from me to become an epidemic of swine flu proportions. In fact, (hem, hem) it probably was only a cold. And (embarrassed shuffling of feet) it has mostly gone. Don’t get me wrong, I am very grateful that it is mostly gone and would be even more grateful if it was completely gone. The worst bit was having a throat that felt like someone had run a belt sander (coarse grain) up and down the inside and having no voice.

I felt this particularly at the Essex University Carols Service on Tuesday. I wanted to sing my lungs out, but whenever I tried all I got was an out of tune squeak… and I did not want to lose my voice completely that night as I was giving the talk at the end!

I reckon that the reality of my praise to God is often like that. My intention is to praise God for all I am worth, with all that I have and in all that I do. But the reality is that the infection of busyness, laziness, forgetfulness, thoughtlessness and (let’s name it) sin all conspire to turn that intention into an out of tune squeak. It’s when I realise that, and when I seek God’s forgiveness and another fresh start, that I realise again the extent of God’s grace. It’s not simply (SIMPLY!!!!) that he forgives me again and offers a fresh start again. It’s not even only (ONLY?????) that he refreshes and refills me with his Spirit to help me. I believe that the out of tune squeak – the remnant of my intention to praise him, the tarnished free sample of Jesus that I can become – is still received as praise.

I suspect that from my perspective I get so caught up in the realisation of where I have let God down that I miss that from his perspective he is delighted with the bits I get right.

Jesus told this parable, recorded in Luke 18:

⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable:¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

I am humbled by that parable. But I wonder if Jesus told another, unrecorded parable…

⁹ To some who were conscious of their own sinfulness and beat themselves up about it, Jesus told this parable:¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I have done quite well this week. I was merely ‘creative’ on my tax return, I didn’t lose my temper too much while driving my camel in the rush hour, I kept my unpleasant thoughts about my boss to myself and just a couple of close colleagues, and I only spread gossip about Mrs Greenbaum and her milkman. Thank you that I am not like this tax collector (and please don’t let him notice my ‘creativity’).’

¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, I know I have let you down. Thank you for your grace and those moments when, with your help, I have been a free sample of you to others.’

¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home blessed by God. For all those who diminish the reality of their sin delude themselves, and those who are aware of God’s grace will be free.”

Or maybe he didn’t!

Be blessed, be a blessing