Dear Internet

I wish to register a complaint. Some people can’t make up their minds.

At a recent church service I sat in my usual pew, in the row behind Mrs Higginbotham. When she got up to sing in the first song I noticed that the poor lady had got her skirt tucked into her undergarments. In order not to draw attention to this I leaned forwards and very gently tugged her skirt free.

As I did she turned around and slapped me hard on the left hand side of my face!

After the service Revd Phil asked me why I had a red hand-mark on my face and I explained what had happened. He looked like he was going to have another of his seizures (see my previous article).

The following Sunday I was sat in my pew and once again, when we stood up to sing, I noticed that Mrs Higginbotham had her skirt tucked into her undergarments. Mr Capel, who was stood next to me, also noticed and he leaned forwards and very gently tugged her skirt free.

“No,” I whispered to him, “She likes it tucked in!” And I leaned forwards and tucked her skirt back in.

After the service Revd Phil asked my why I now had a red hand mark on my right cheek and when I explained and said that I was only doing what Mrs Higginbotham wanted he rushed off to the vestry. I assume he was going to pray for Mrs Higginbotham’s inability to make up her mind which way she wanted her skirt.

Yours faithfully

Mr QR Grenville Stubbs

(Be blessed, be a blessing)