Many years ago, Sally and I visited a church for a morning service. I won’t embarrass it here by naming it as I would hope that things have changed in the past 30+ years! We were looking for a new church to call our spiritual home, but had to leave soon after the service ended, so we took some empty seats in the back row to enable a swift exit.
Before the service started we were joined by two ladies who sat on either side of us. It soon became apparent that we were sat in their seats: they spoke across us not to us, and during the sermon even passed sweets across us without offering us any. We felt invisible. We felt unwelcome.
That same day we visited another church for their evening service. They were so friendly and welcoming, and the Minister even came to say hello before the service started. It was lovely.
Guess which church we joined…
I think it’s highly unlikely that any church would be happy to think of themselves as ‘unwelcoming’. However, as I reflect on my experiences of churches over many years, and the experience of others (particularly LGBTQ+) I have come to the conclusion that being welcoming is not enough. Sadly, I find that some are not even welcoming of all people. I have written about this in more detail in part of the ‘True’ section of this site about people who are Trans, but let me generalise and summarise…
Some churches (even though they would hate this label) are ‘rejecting‘. A rejecting church is one where some people are told that they are not welcome, or it is made clear in less overt ways that this is the case. In a rejecting church no accommodation has been made for anyone who is different from the majority. Non-inclusive language may be dominant in conversations and in the activities of the church. In a rejecting church some people may find that few people come and sit with them because they are ‘different’. A rejecting church may even refuse to offer communion to some people.
Others are ‘welcoming‘. They may have thought about how people feel when they walk through the doors of the church on a Sunday (and perhaps for other activities too) and seek to ensure that it is a positive experience. They may have a statement about the sort of welcome they offer on their website. They may use words like ‘friendly’, ‘warm’ or ‘family’ to describe themselves. Welcoming churches feel warm and fuzzy when newcomers praise them for the warmth of the welcome, and they would say that everyone is welcome.
One of the dangers for welcoming churches is that they can focus so much on making a good first impression that they fail to build on it, or it masks an underlying exclusive attitude. A welcoming church may act like the child-catcher’s caravan in the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – very attractive and inviting at first (maybe even offering lollipops!) However, once you get inside you realise that it’s nothing like it purports to be and might even be felt to be a trap. You’re welcome to come along, but… there are limits on how involved you can be. Your difference may be recognised and you may be made welcome, but your difference also means you can’t be as involved as other people.
‘Inclusive‘ churches welcome and include everyone. There are no limits on a person’s involvement. Everyone is included and differences between us don’t matter.
But is there somewhere beyond ‘inclusive’? What about ‘embracing‘ – where a person is able to fully be who they are and instead of differences not mattering, everyone is embraced for the person they are, including the differences.
Am I being cynical? Maybe
Am I being judgmental? Probably
Am I an idealist? I hope not – I believe that embracing all is possible, and I think is what is represented by the image of ‘heaven’ at the end of Revelation where a huge multitude of all people are gathered together worshipping God (Revelation 7:9-10):
After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. And they cried out in a loud voice:
“Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb.”
Be blessed, be a blessing
nukelearfishing 
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