bleary eyed blogging

It’s all that spider’s fault.

There I was, sleeping enthusiastically, dreaming about something that I can’t remember, and being replenished, when suddenly the smoke alarm went off last night. I was very rudely awakened by the ear-piercing beeping and staggered out of bed and onto the landing where the alarm was located. It kept screaming at me for a few seconds and then going quiet, then resuming the alarming purpose for which it has been installed.


It was clear that there was no fire and there was no smoke. I suspected that some local wildlife had infiltrated the alarm and accidentally made the connection inside. I tried to open the cover but in my haste to find out what was happening I did not put on my glasses and was struggling to see where the catch was. I fumbled around for a while and, just as I was about to open the cover, the culprit emerged.

A tiny spider sheepishly sneaked out of the cover and scuttled across the top (or is it bottom) of the alarm. I flicked him away, confident that I had sorted out the problem. I then staggered back to bed and flopped back onto the pillow in the hope that I could resume where I had left off.

The good news was that the alarm did not sound again. It was clearly the spider who was the culprit (why did he choose the middle of the night rather than the day?).

The bad news was that I found it very difficult to get back to sleep again and so today am feeling a bit groggy as a result of spider-initiated-sleep deprivation.

It’s often the little things isn’t it? The seemingly insignificant things that can disrupt our life. The lack of change for the car park leaving you in the dilemma of whether to leave the car there to get some change so you can come back and buy a ticket, hoping that the inspector won’t call in your absence, or whether you drive off somewhere else. The phone that runs out of battery at a crucial time in a conversation, or when you need to make an important call. The bin bag that splits, distributing the smelly contents all over the kitchen floor, just as you were getting ready to leave the house, putting the rubbish out on the way. The spider that sneaks into the smoke alarm in the middle of the night. The piece of gossip that you pass on to someone ‘for prayer’ and leaves the subject feeling hurt and betrayed.

Be blessed, be a blessing.

defeat hurts

I have been having some problems with my golf shoes. Yes, I know that most of you will be tempted at this stage to roll your eyes, sigh and click onto another website, but do bear with me. This is not really a bloggage about golf.

footprint 2The problem is that the shoes I have cause blisters when I play a round of golf. They fitted fine in the shop but when I walk around a golf course they rub a bit and that rubbing results in blisters. I have tried lots of remedies. I have tried putting blister cushions on my heels but they rubbed off and I got blisters. I used plasters on my feet. They came off, the shoes still rubbed and I got blisters. I tried sticking heel grips onto the back of the shoes. They came off, the shoes rubbed and I got blisters. I consulted the internet. The shoes still rubbed and I got blisters. I used anti-blister gel. The shoes still rubbed and I got blisters.

I am having one last try with some socks designed to wick away moisture, the anti-blister gel, and new insoles in the shoes. I hope that will work the next time I play. Otherwise it might be that I need to get new golf shoes.

I reckon there are occasions when things seem to be okay but there is a gentle abrasion that ultimately leads to problems. For example a little white lie can gradually rub into a full blown deception, loss of face, hurt and disappointment. Or a small piece of news ‘for your prayers’ can turn into a blister of gossip that causes a lot of pain.

I suspect that I may be postponing the inevitable when I am trying different things to sort out my golf shoes. I may have to admit defeat (for the sake of de feet) and get new shoes. What inevitable event are you postponing by failing to admit the obvious?

Be blessed, be a blessing.

Side effects

I have now seen a physician who has taken my temperature, peered down my throat as I said ‘Aaaah’ and diagnosed a sore throat. She was not prepared to diagnose it as Man Flu (notice her gender, see yesterday) and did not give the ailment a name. I felt bereft, not being able to give what ails me a special name. A friend came the rescue though and suggested I call it ‘Bob’ (thanks John!).

The physician prescribed antibiotics to get rid of Bob and in a moment of boredom induced by being oppressed by Bob I read the accompanying leaflet. I was intrigued by the description of possible side effects. There were some which, if they occur, require immediate consultation with a Doctor. Then there was this section:

Other unwanted effects which are more likely to occur are:

* nausea, vomiting or stomach upset

* diarrhoea

* black hairy tongue.

If you notice any of the above side effects, or you notice any other unusual or unexpected side effects and think your tablets may be causing them, please inform…

HOLD ON! Go back a paragraph.

Black hairy tongue????!!!!!

Are they SERIOUS?

I was sufficiently alarmed by black hairy tongue that I looked it up online. It sounds like someone thought that nobody ever reads the leaflet that accompanies drugs so they would slip black hairy tongue in and have a laugh.

Yuck! It’s a real ailment! It looks so revolting that I have decided against putting a picture of it on my blog in case it frightens you away for good. If it’s a choice between vomiting and nausea, diarrhoea and black hairy tongue I would prefer either (or even both) of the first two. (Not that I would like either of them!). If I go into hiding you will know that I have succumbed to black hairy tongue. It sounds like a tongue that has gone feral – living wild and growing a black mane – like the difference between a domestic pig and a wild boar! Black hairy tongue even makes Bob seem less life-threatening.

In the New Testament Paul wrote about wild tongues (admittedly not black hairy ones) to several churches. He seems to be convinced that if we do not keep our tongues under control we can seriously undermine or destroy what God is doing. Not by blowing raspberries (or at least not just by doing that) but by gossip, slander, undermining others and all sorts of other destructive talk. If I am repulsed by black hairy tongue, how much do these other wild tongues repulse people from encountering God through his people?

Some tongue twisters: (to be spoken aloud as fast as you can and repeated – preferably in polite company!)

Seth at Sainsbury’s sells thick socks

Eleven benevolent elephants

Red lorry, yellow lorry

One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they felt smart.
Four smart fellows, they felt smart.
Five smart fellows, they felt smart.
Six smart fellows, they felt smart.