Category: jokes
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firefighting
When I was growing up there was a man who was famous for fighting oil rig fires. His name was Red Adair. On one occasion an oil well in Kuwait burst into flame and the alert went out: “Get Red Adair!” But Red Adair was fighting a fire in Texas and couldn’t help. The oil…
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to be read as a voice-over from a classic detective movie
[Sounds of a city at night echo in the background. Gentle saxophone music drifts atmospherically. Cue voice over in phony American accent.] My name is Nuke. Nuke Lear. it was late in the evening and I was already in bed. It was pouring down outside. There was a tap on the door. I turned it…
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Biblical puns
“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” This quip is attributed to businessman Robert C.Gallagher. It is clever because of the play on the word ‘change’ and because most of us have been frustrated by vending machines. If you have explored my blog you will know that I love wordplay. Last night I had…
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faith is a joke*
Stop right there! Please don’t start lobbing rocks (literal or metaphorical) just yet. Please read on and then decide whether what I have written has any merit. The title of this bloggage is a bit mischievous. It is open to misunderstanding, yes. But it was designed to get your attention, and it did, didn’t it? It’s…
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Now that’s what I call amusing 16
These are the top jokes at this year’s Edinbugh Festival, based on a public vote on a selection of nominations by TV channel Dave: 1. Stewart Francis – “You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.” 2. Tim Vine – “Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to…
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trolley joke in honour of new arrival*
An archaeologist excitedly presented his latest research to a group of peers. He projected a picture of a cave painting showing what looked like a wheelbarrow or trolley, a man, a spade, an ox and the sun and announced: “I conclude from this painting that we have irrefutable evidence that prehistoric man was a farmer…
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i don’t get it
A couple of weeks ago I began a sermon with a joke that died. Here’s the joke (told here on April 5th 2011): Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second, “You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico. They’ve never heard…
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bonus bloggerel
I thought I had mastered the art of preparing bloggerel and setting a time for WordPress to post it in the future. Until yesterday afternoon, when I wrote the grumpy bloggage and hit ‘publish’ rather than setting a date. So consider that today’s entry, but for anyone who has seen this and come specially today,…
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just a thought
Here is just a quick joke for you today to make up for no joke yesterday. A choosy man goes to a computer dating agency. “I want someone small, cute and lovable,” he says, “who loves water-sports, enjoys being in a crowd and loves to stay close.” The computer verdict: “try a penguin!” Posted with…
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best joke
The best joke at this year’s Edinburgh Fringe Festival: “I needed a password eight characters long so I picked ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarves’.” (Nick Helm). Runner-up was Tim Vine: “Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”
nukelearfishing 