feel the tingle

Tonight the Girls’ Brigade at our church are hosting a Christingle Service. If you have no idea what that is, where have you been? And if you want to know, visit this website.

I am doing a short explanation of what a Christingle is and have been exploring some new possibilities so that it is not the same explanation every year. I can’t find an explanation for the root of the word ‘Christingle’ so am making some (un)educated guesses.

“Christ+tingle” – the shiver of excitement you get as you anticipate Christmas

“Christ+ingle” – celebrating the fire of Jesus (candles are used and ‘ingle’ is an ancient word for a fire or fireplace in a room).

I suspect it is more to do with the latter than the former, but they both seem worth mentioning!

The lovely thing about a Christingle Service is that it links Christmas and Easter. Christmas without Easter is just a cute story. Easter without Christmas is just an execution. (Yes I know that is oversimplifying it, but you get the point).

I am sure it will be a lovely occasion and pray that we will all experience a tingle!

A new theory to explain the myth of light-generating equipment
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don’t emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room. So with all things, Dark Suckers don’t last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range. There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can’t handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again. Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it’s not wise to touch an operating candle.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

Next time you see an electric bulb or a candle, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.

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