Getting into hot water

ContrastFollowing yesterday’s bloggerel about things I wish I had been taught when I trained I thought I would share some of the things I have learnt from experience as a Minister for over 15 years:

The baptism water is too hot when your legs are lobster-red when you come out.

The baptism water is too cold when you shiver so much in the pool that you create waves.

If you drench the front few pews with the baptism tidal wave the pool might be a bit full.

Crusty wholemeal loaves are not ideal for breaking by hand during communion – especially if they are not pre-cut.

Don’t catch a friend’s eye when something goes wrong in a service… especially if they wink at you.

Going ‘off-script’ from a sermon is when you need to concentrate most: few people are blessed by the image of God “almost wetting himself.”

Printers will always break when you need them most, ink will always run out before you have printed the last page of your sermon.

Only God is omniscient, omnipresent and omnicompetent. Don’t try to pretend or imagine you are.

Be a blessing, be blessed.

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