I have been re-writing some nursery rhymes to make them more topical but probably not suitable for children: mind you, were the originals okay? What do you think? Is it all a bit unnursery?
Three blind mice, three blind mice.
See how they run, see how they run.
They all ran after the farmer’s wife who cut off their tails with a carving knife:
Did you ever see such a sight in your life as the way we treat the disabled in this country?
(It reminds me of the way people are treated in being assessed for Disability Living Allowance)
Hickory dickory dock
a mouse ran up the clock
the clock didn’t strike at all because it had been silenced for repairs.
(Big Ben has been shut down for repairs)
Oh, The grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men;
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And he marched them down again.
Now when they were up, they were up,
And when they were down, they were down,
And when they were only half-way up,
They realised that because of cutbacks there were only 500 of them.
Mary had a little lamb
whose fleece was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go until she tried to go into a public building where no animals were allowed.
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children, she didn’t know what to do;
She gave them some broth without any bread;
Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed. This is clearly a safeguarding issue and Social Services are investigating.
Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.
This is also clearly a safeguarding issue and Social Services are on the case.
Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
And a merry old soul was he;
He called for his pipe, and he called for his bowl,
And he called for his fiddlers three.
Every fiddler he had a fiddle,
And a very fine fiddle had he;
Oh there’s none so rare, as can compare,
With King Cole and his fiddlers three although with his smoking habit and bad diet King Cole was at risk of coronary heart disease.
Be blessed, be a blessing